In late August, I moved from Edmonton to Vancouver. It was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. I love my friends and my family, but living in Edmonton made me miserable.

Moving here came with challenges that I wasn’t quite prepared for. I went from living rent-free with my parents to haphazardly navigating Vancouver’s exorbitantly priced housing market. My existence as the antithesis of a domestic goddess was not conducive to cultivating the perfect life that I desperately desired. I was overwhelmed and exceedingly frustrated with my own incompetence. Adjusting to my new life still is an ongoing challenge, but it was especially difficult in the last quarter of 2018. I didn’t want to show signs of weakness to my family or friends. I didn’t want anyone to worry about me and I didn’t want to be subjected to condescension. I kept my problems to myself.

There were some things that I wish I had handled better in the first two months of living here. In retrospect, these events forced me to learn accountability and how to become more resourceful. After everything I had to endure within those few months, it could’ve sent me back into a spiral of depression. I surprised myself with my resilience. In part, having a positive work environment allowed me to feel supported as I pursued my professional goals. I also happened to join YYoga at a very opportune time, both for my mental health and my wallet (they significantly raised the price of membership a few days after I joined).

I’ve spent the last few of my birthdays being disappointed or upset. I was tired of letting other people’s actions determine my happiness. My way of coping with the myriad of intense emotions I felt during that time was to gift myself an Ironman 70.3 race so I could focus all of my energy on the challenge of preparing for this physically and mentally demanding event. I want to be a strong and independent woman that doesn’t need a man to function.

Since then, I’ve slowly learned how to build a routine that works for me. I’ve learned that caring for myself always comes first. I’ve learned that sustainable change doesn’t happen instantaneously and that being patient is truly a virtue. I’ve learned to set reasonable expectations and push myself to challenge my own way of thinking to become objectively better.

This year, I want to document my journey as I pursue the goals I have set for myself. I want to reflect on the challenges, failures, and successes that preparing for a race of this nature will bring. I want to measure my growth as an individual in a tangible way. 182 days to go!

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. – Nelson Mandela